The Two Week Wait
Everyone tells you that it’s the worst part…..THE WAIT
I have to admit, it’s not fun.
You have to keep yourself busy and distracted; go to lunches; pick up extra shifts at work; make social plans, and by all means….DON’T overanalyze your symptoms!!!!! Even though everybody does.
– The Nausea
– The Abdominal discomfort
– The Reflux
– The Breast Pain
– The Nipple Sensitivity
– The Bloating
– The Headaches
– The sharp pains in the pelvis
– The heightened sense of smell
Obviously, all of these symptoms are caused by the progesterone gel, but for most people these are early signs of pregnancy, so it’s almost impossible NOT to get your hopes up. It is INFURIATING to give yourself synthetic hormones that mimic pregnancy.
Now for all of you who have been through this, or who are currently going through this, you get it.
I don’t really need to elaborate.
You get it.
You really do.
You completely understand.
So even though I am tossing and turning at night with nausea that keeps rudely interrupting my precious sleep, I am trying to tell myself that there is NO way that it could be a pregnancy symptom because it’s WAY too early for that.
Here I am, a MIDWIFE, who emphasises that every person is different; that every pregnancy is different; that EVERY baby is different; that you should NOT compare yourself to others…..and what do I do?
I COMPARE myself to others.
I call up my friends going through IVF and ask when they started feeling nauseas. 4 weeks? 5 weeks? 6 weeks? Did they get nauseas with the progesterone gel? No? Then why am I nauseas?
“Ok Katrina,” I reprimand myself. “Get a grip. Go read a book, or watch a movie, or call a friend. Stop thinking and STOP obsessing. Your friends warned you this would happen and you naively thought you’d be better. You thought you’d be different but you’re not.”
I sigh deeply and pause my obsessive thinking with a moment of mindfulness.
Summer is clinging on with all it’s might, not wanting to let go of it’s power over the Australian Coast. It continues to breathe out hot waves of humidity that roll over the parched earth, emanating blurry waves of heat off the roads and pale grasslands. Heavy grey clouds have finally pushed their way across the clear blue sky today and watered a thirsty land. My hormone-heated skin embraces this slightly cooler weather and my heart hangs heavy with grey clouds of its own. Oh, if only the tears would release and water my soul, but alas, I am saving that for Friday; for my blood results. So whether it’s tears of joy or tears of utter sadness and disappointment, my heart waits, sagging under the heaviness of unshed tears.
