“Why me?” The complicated question that strangely embodies both sadness and happiness.

“I can’t do this,” I would moan to my husband, “this is going to kill me. I won’t survive.”

I was excited, yet terrified – I wanted to meet her baby before I left, yet it seemed way too confronting.

It would send me into a frenzy of weeping until all the anger, envy, fury, disappointment and bitterness would leave me.

I got out of the shower and sat, exhausted, on the couch. I felt like I was losing my mind. I really didn’t know if Jarod was ever going to come home.

For a brief moment I want him to go; I want him to move on with his life. I believe that it’s all my fault that he’s going through this horrible, painful crisis.

In those powerful moments of awe, wonder and mindfulness you find that, in that brief moment, your pain and sadness actually disappears.

“You are my dream girl.” he whispered, and with calloused palms he gently wiped away my tears.