The Space

How do I describe a feeling so complex, that the layers themselves are blurry in my own mind?

How do I convey the depth of pain that permeates the soul when all hope is lost?

How do I express the anger and outrage that burns my soul when someone tells me to “stay positive” or even hints that this outcome is somehow related to my upbringing or my personality type?

How do I describe the nausea-inducing waves of grief that strikes when your journey feels pointless; that the physical and emotional pain, the financial stress and anxiety was all for naught?

How do I explain something that no words can encompass?

Why do I even feel the need to explain it?

Writing is supremely cathartic. It helps me analyze my emotions and is a therapeutic transfer of energy.

It is a release.

And in the process it may help give YOU some insight into this secretive pain that hides in the dark shadows of the soul – it hides because of shame and vulnerability.

But why do I need to give you insight?

To publicly verbalize this pain while in the shadowy depths of vulnerability is to expose the most-raw, most-tender part of your broken heart to onlookers who might, with a mere unsympathetic roll of their eyes shatter your fragile soul.

So that’s why we hide. We can’t risk it.

We can’t risk being pierced by a casual comment that is nonchalantly thrown our way. We are too fragile. We are too vulnerable.

We must protect ourselves.

But we must also protect YOU.

Because, permanent tattoos become inadvertently etched into our soul while our guard is down. We have no protection, and unfortunately our fragility allows PERMANENCY. That means that “casual comments” stay FOREVER – they never leave us. We will NEVER forget what was said to us. So in order to protect YOU from being forever tainted in our memory, we will avoid you.

I am giving MYSELF space, to protect my vulnerable heart.

And I am giving YOU space, to protect our friendship.

I know there may be no malice intended, but I’m too fragile to test the waters.

Please do not take this personally.

I am experiencing a profound life crisis.

I am doing whatever is necessary to survive this journey.

If you decide to take my actions personally, then there is not much else I can do.

I am not responsible for YOU or your reactions.

And you are NOT responsible for ME or my reactions.

We are each responsible for ourselves only.

And I pray that we each will focus on ourselves – try to be the best version of US that we can be, for that is ONLY thing that is within our control.

Everything else is out of our hands.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.