The Testosterone
Sure enough, my endometriosis had come back.
And not just a little bit – it was MODERATE.
The doctor showed me the pictures of the laparoscopic (key-hole) surgery and you could see dark spots (lesions) scattered throughout my abdomen – AGAIN. No scarring this time, of course, just the growths coming back.
He shook his head sadly, but did not seem in the least bit surprised. My last surgery had been a year and a half ago, and I was still shocked that the spots (endometriotic lesions) had returned so quickly. The information was disappointing, but equally empowering. Now that I knew my genetic predisposition for such rapid regrowth, this would significantly impact how I managed my endometriosis in the future: this information was VITAL for my future health and well-being.
He also showed me the chocolate cyst (endometrioma) that had grown on my left ovary. Having ovarian disease – as I have – with re-occuring endometriomas is unfortunately the more severe form of the disease. He explained that because he had to cut the cyst off my ovary that we couldn’t jump straight into another “stimulated” IVF cycle (meaning all the injections, etc).
We needed to let my ovaries rest for a month, and by doing that he would put me on testosterone cream – which also has the added benefit of potentially increasing egg quantity and quality (this is being trialed pre-IVF cycles https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5813298/).
I blinked in surprise and almost laughed. The other day I had boasted to my husband that I had pretty much tried every hormone out there. “Name it, I’ve tried it!” I said with a strange mixture of despondent bragging.
“I stand corrected,” I confessed comically when I got home, “I have not yet tried testosterone!”
I was starting to feel like a perpetual experiment, though it was fascinating to see how each drug affected me – hormones being the most intriguing – as I believe that people do not give sufficient credit to the phenomenal power of hormones.
That night I applied my first dose of testosterone cream to the thin skin on the inside of my arm, feeling intense curiosity as to how I would feel over the next four weeks.
The first two days I was tortured by an unbearable headache that was unlike anything I have experienced before (and as you know, I am seasoned ‘headacher’). The pounding appeared to be in a different part of my brain (different from progesterone, oestrogen-withdrawal or migraine headaches). I started feeling depressed; I wasn’t sure I would survive the month if that was to be my daily battle, but after a couple of days the headache settled down to a tolerable level and by the end of the week it was gone.
I had read online that headaches and loose bowels can be common side effects of the low-dose testosterone. Higher doses can obviously cause facial hair growth and increase libido – the latter being desirable, but I’ll pass on the facial hair.
My husband has previously asked me why women don’t open their bowels as often as men. I’ve always shrugged, assuming it had to do with hormones and metabolism. Sure enough, testosterone increased the frequency of my bowels motions and I started going 2 -3 times a day.
I also found that my internal temperature (and metabolism) had increased as well. Even though I was on the tiniest dose of testosterone, I felt hot all the time and I started losing weight without even trying: in this period I was doing minimal exercise, as it was the month immediately following my key-hole surgery, so I was still recovering from that.
Without diverting too much onto a controversial tangent, I will say that it has ALWAYS annoyed me when men expect women to lose weight as quickly as they do – they do NOT understand the power of hormones.
If you’ve ever exercised, hiked or dieted with men, you will notice that they seem to shed weight significantly quicker than women. Even Cheryl Strayed in “WILD” wrote about the noticeable difference in weight loss after hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. By the end of the trip she found the men to be almost gaunt, while she, on the other hand (who had survived on way less food due to her financial circumstances), had trimmed down a little but not nearly to the extent of her male counterparts: she noticed the other women on the trail to have the same experience as her – demonstrating the power of testosterone.
Another curious thing was when someone asked me if my sense of smell had changed. To be honest I hadn’t noticed, but I guess that was because my olfactory senses had been so dulled that it didn’t even register; on reflection I realised that I wasn’t smelling the flowers in the house, my essential oils or even the trash to the intensity that I was accustomed to.
With each successive day that I took the testosterone I could feel my agitation rise. I was a little bit hotter, a little bit angrier and a little bit less tolerant every day. I suddenly felt this desire to fight more with my husband, and the fighting invigorated me – I felt energised by it.
Confrontation felt so GOOD.
I have never understood, as a woman, why men had to physically fight, but I also couldn’t comprehend how men could have a “punch up” and then walk away and still be friends, as though nothing had happened.
I was starting to get the TINIEST little insight into the life of a man.
It was a powerful experience (better expressed in my video below) but I’ve definitely wondered what the world would be like if we could give men estrogen for just one month.
How would they treat/understand us if they had but a tiny taste of what it felt like to be woman?
