The Private IVF Specialist

“Going private won’t be any different.”

The public doctor’s words rang in my ear as I drove down the coast for my first appointment with the new specialist.

“I am hesitant to do surgery as there are no indications, but the patient is insisting, so an exploratory laparoscopy has been scheduled to check the ovaries and flush the tubes.”

My first doctor’s words, from years ago, resurfaced to haunt me as well.

“I was surprised to find severe endometriosis, as the patient had no symptoms.”

His follow up letter infuriated me, and I felt the familiar rush of angry emotions envelop me again.

This seemed to be my pattern every time I went to a new doctor. I would reflect on the last few years and by the time I’d go in to see the doctor I would find myself so outraged and defensive that I could hardly see clearly.

I really hoped this doctor would be different.

For months I had been researching IVF specialists in Australia and I had made several appointments with a few different doctors in my local area, but ended up cancelling them due to my usual unexplained “gut” feeling – that pesky voice that convinced me that they were not the right fit for me.

Then one day a close friend casually mentioned Dr. K to me and a weird sensation enveloped me – like a marshmallowy hug that instantly infused me with inexplicable peace. I somehow immediately knew he was THE ONE.

Further research revealed he was a senior Monash IVF specialist with admirable statistics and training: the best part – all he did was ART (Artificial Reproductive Therapies), meaning this was his area of EXPERTISE. So many of us don’t realise the difference between an Obstetrician who dabbles in a bit of ART on the side (which is fine for simple cases) and the specialists who ONLY do IVF (more appropriate for severe cases).

And so many women are afraid to change doctors as they don’t want to “offend” their current doctor (or they don’t understand the difference between the specialties), but for me, this was a decision of life or death – the life or death of my future children – so I was determined to see as many doctors as I needed to until I found the right one!

So here I was………..seeing the SEVENTH doctor on my infertility journey, hoping to God that he would be my last.

I sat anxiously in his office as he silently flipped through my chart. I could see his brows furrow in anger and outrage – he did NOT have a good poker face. His non-verbal body language mirrored my internal emotions so perfectly that I felt a deep calmness envelop me.

He still didn’t say a word, but his jaw was clenched and he pursed his lips tightly together as if trying to withhold an unprofessional stream of profanity. I stared at him with a slightly amused smile and realised that I suddenly felt lighter, as though I had transferred all of my emotions over him – like handing over a heavy burden that I had been carrying alone all these years.

I was so depleted and fragile that initially I had wanted to find a doctor that was very gentle and empathetic but with further soul searching I realised that was not what I wanted or needed; I needed the ugly truth.

No more sugar coating.

No more false hope.

“You’re never going to get pregnant,” he said bluntly.

I barely blinked.

“Thank God,” I thought. You would think this bluntness would crush me, but instead this was exactly what I had hoped for – someone to validate the severity of my condition.

“You are a severe case, and you were never going to get pregnant with the management that you’ve received,” there was a deep seriousness to his voice.

I remained very still; I was entranced by his dismal honesty, yet relieved to know that I wasn’t “crazy” after all. My gut feeling that had convinced me to withhold the last IVF cycle and keep my precious frozen embryo was now being validated.

“They should never have been doing IVF on you,” he shook his head furiously as he continued, “Your ONLY chance for success is actually within 4 months after surgery. They tell you that you are fertile in the first 6 months after surgery, but with your severity it’s actually only four. And your surgery was over a year ago, so IVF was never going to work.”

I sat in shock. I never realised that my window for success was so small. How is it that other doctors did not know this?

That means there are thousands of women who are currently going through IVF who will NEVER have success – no matter how many attempts they try – due to this VITAL piece of information.

I was utterly speechless, and yet I wanted to scream it from the rooftops. If only I could help save women from this horrific, torturous, unnecessary suffering.

“We need to do surgery again to remove the endometriosis,” he stated frankly as he began to write down my IVF plan.

I gulped.

“Do you think it’s grown back that quickly?” I asked in surprise.

He nodded sadly, “Unfortunately the endo comes back, especially with cases as severe as yours.”

My nod was heavy with disappointment.

I was somehow under the impression that once my endometriosis was removed that I would be free of this horrific disease – at least for a little while. I hadn’t understood that it could grow back that quickly, though on reflection I realised that my periods were progressively getting worse again.

We also discussed fixing my uterine septum during surgery and testing me for high natural killer cells (NK cells are part of your immune system) by sending off a uterine biopsy (not the blood test).

“This is how I practice,” he explained, “I imagine that my wife is the one sitting in your seat, and I think to myself ‘what would I do if this was my wife?’. I would fix ALL of her problems first, then we would do IVF.”

This was the very reason I had sought out this doctor, as the mindset amongst many fertility centres is “Let’s try a few cycles first, and if that doesn’t work then we’ll do further testing and investigations.”

Dr. K, instead, does the very opposite.

“IVF is extremely distressing emotionally, physically and financially,” he acknowledged, “so I do everything in my power to optimise your chances of success BEFORE putting you through IVF. We want to do the least amount of cycles possible.”

I could feel my eyes begin to brim with tears and relief engulfed me.

FINALLY – I had finally found the right doctor.

Like with Dr. M, I wanted to jump up and give Dr. K a big hug; I wanted to thank him for his frankness, his expertise and his empathy.

We made a plan for my upcoming surgery and the next IVF cycle. My whole life was once again to be completely consumed with pills, pain and potions……..and, inevitably, MORE BAD NEWS regarding the severity of my condition.