The Endometriosis Doctor
February 2016
Same waiting room. Same fertility centre. Different Doctor.
Here I am….AGAIN.
I am sweating with apprehension and my heart is racing. I am already defensive and I haven’t even met the guy.
I haven’t yet encountered a single doctor that has truly LISTENED to me. I am desperate for someone to BELIEVE and ACKNOWLEDGE my symptoms.
My heart is aching and I defensively clench my jaw and fists.
“If he doesn’t listen to me and won’t do surgery then I will find someone else who will!” I fiercely promise to myself as I sit in the waiting room.
The usual wait ensued.
I’ve run so many clinics myself that I understand what it’s like to run behind. In fact, my first patient usually shows up late (because they can’t find parking) and my whole day is already 30 minutes behind…which quickly turns into an hour behind when I have that inevitable complicated patient that takes up more than their 20 minute appointment. Even when I skip my lunch break (which is every day) I still can’t catch up and I end up with irate patients that complain about their long wait….which I find difficult as an American, considering these Australians are receiving their health care for free.
And here I am, in a private office, paying hundreds of dollars….and I still have to wait.
The doctor finally opens his door and calls me in.
I realise my fists are still clenched.
His gentle smile immediately disarms me.
“Tell me about yourself,” he says kindly.
I try to summarise my symptoms. I want to be succinct and not too dramatic, but a part of me wonders if “dramatic” is the only way to get a response.
As I relay my life, Dr. M leans forward, maintains eye contact and nods regularly as I describe the pain and horror that I have been experiencing. His eyes are kind and caring. His nod encourages me to continue and also acknowledges my symptoms.
His kindness breaks down my walls and I find that I am no longer tense. I speak honestly and openly and allow myself to express my sadness.
He acknowledges ALL my symptoms and says that he believes me. There is a sadness in his eyes.
He asks if I have ever skipped work due to pain and bleeding.
I shake my head NO. “I have always pushed through and taken whatever drugs necessary to get me through my shift,” I reply.
I feel sick as I talk about it. I explain to him that even when I bled for 6 weeks (while I was on the “Retrieval Team”, flying around the state and sometimes working 18 hour shifts) that I would just push through.
He nods sadly “You women amaze me,” he says, “you are so strong. It is amazing what you endure. I believe you.”
I feel myself blinking back tears. I want to hug him. I want to weep. It feels so good to be HEARD and UNDERSTOOD. I’m so relieved I could literally pass out.
He then asks me to tell him what I know about Endometriosis.
“Well, from the research I’ve done it looks like it’s something that you are born with,” I report, “they have found endometriosis in fetuses,” I finish.
He nods again and smiles in approval, confirming my research. “I’ve never actually believed in retrograde menstruation,” he shakes his head in disgust, “that theory has never made sense to me and does not align with the cases that I see.”
RETROGRADE MENSTRUATION – this is what is taught in medical schools and appears to be the main belief of most health professionals regarding endometriosis. The theory is that some of the blood inside your uterus overflows out of your fallopian tubes and spills into your abdomen….which makes your body freak out and wreak havoc on itself, putting your body in a state of chronic inflammation. Well the truth is that most women can experience some form of “retrograde” menstruation and most women don’t have endometriosis…..so that dispels that theory.
I have also heard people blame the pill. Now that is “bollocks” (as the brits say).
The pill disrupts the cyclical signals that happen between your brain and your ovaries but the pill does NOT cause tissue from your uterine lining (endometrium) to jump out of your uterus, “rock climb” throughout your abdomen and then grow in your diaphragm….or your bowel…or your muscle wall. KAPISH?
Do you know what else makes me cringe in horror? The belief that endometriosis is caused by childhood trauma or a blocked chakra. SHEER IGNORANCE I say. The people that believe this don’t have endometriosis. I TRY (desperately) to tell myself that they are “just trying to help” and there is “no malice” in their comments, but my husband would love it if I just told them to SHUT UP. Unfortunately I’m too nice.
So I’m going to say this one more time – THIS IS A CONDITION THAT YOU ARE BORN WITH!
DON’T let people tell you otherwise. Ignorant people with good intentions inadvertently tell you that somehow this is “your fault”. That is the MOST detrimental thing they could say to someone suffering such pain.
ENOUGH OF THAT RANT.
So this beautiful-soul of a doctor asks me in detail about my symptoms.
He asks about my pain; my pelvic pain, my chronic pain, my period pain.
He asks about my migraines and chronic headaches.
He asks about my moods and my mental health.
He asks about my difficulties urinating and opening my bowels.
He asks about my diet, my treatments, my needs and my desires for treatment.
He asks me EVERYTHING; I have never felt so listened to.
Then he explains EVERYTHING; I have never felt so well informed.
With a model of a pelvis he explains endometriosis in detail; how it’s formed, how it affects my muscles, my nerves, my bowels, my bladder, my periods and my pain.
He sets CLEAR EXPECTATIONS on the longevity of my journey to healing.
And then he does something that blows me away.
He’s HOLISTIC.
“You need to see a Psychologist and a specialised women’s health Physio,” he says. “You also need to do the FODMAP diet and eliminate foods that are exacerbating your symptoms.” He hands me a book on endometriosis for further reading and empowerment.
I nod enthusiastically. I am open to all his suggestions and am excited to finally be on the right track.
“Once you’ve done these things we will discuss further surgery,” he finalises, making it clear that holistic care is NOT optional.
“You will definitely need surgery,” he continues. “Women with severe endometriosis NEVER have success with IVF. The inflammation in your abdomen creates a volatile and toxic environment that literally kills sperm. It doesn’t matter if you have good embryos, they can’t survive in that environment. You must have surgery first. I don’t know a single doctor in town that would touch you for IVF, as yours is so severe.”
I gulp. Should I tell him that his colleague next door was willing to try?
“The truth is,” he confesses, “most women that I see have had 7 to 8 failed cycles of IVF first, and then they finally come see me. After surgery many of them get pregnant naturally.”
I feel sick at the mere thought of such a horrific journey. My heart goes out to the women that have endured such deep, unimaginable disappointment and pain. In this moment I feel as though 8 failed cycles would shatter me into un-repairable shreds. I can’t even imagine that journey.
My research has been validated. Profound relief engulfs me and a tiny glimmer of hope reignites inside my soul. I squeak out a weak thank you and once again suppress the urge to hug him.
My clenched fists are relinquished.
I leave the clinic with hope in one hand and pre-op paperwork in the other.
Click on the link below to download the Endometriosis book that the doctor gave me.
It was incredibly helpful.
It validated and explained so many of my symptoms, and also brought me to tears.
I was not imagining my pain.
