"I can't breathe," I gasped as I rocked back and forth trying to find a comfortable position. Sharp, unbearable pain radiated through my chest.

Having active strategies to help us cope emotionally, communicate better and support each through our infertility would have made a profound difference on our journey.

If I were to be completely honest – painfully transparent in fact – my struggle with people was nothing compared to my struggle with God.

I looked up and the screen was black. I didn’t know what was happening, all I knew is that she was causing me unbearable pain and the procedure hadn’t even started.

“Can you do that?” I scrunched my nose in disbelief. “I can try.” Her nod was strong and solid, as though she was accepting a challenge.

Hope is slowly growing inside a little dark corner of my heart. Normally I suppress it, but for some reason I watered it a little bit this time.

It’s been almost 4 years since we first started trying and I remember, with a sting of despair, the number of times I have hoped that something would work, yet it never has.

But, instead, we are trying NATURALLY. The best way really. I know I should be thrilled. So…..here I go again….on that horrible rollercoaster ride.

The doctor had warned me that only about 80% of my pain would improve. But an 80% decrease in pain is LIFE-CHANGING!

Some days were worse than others and I never told my husband about this because I was terrified that we would stop having sex all together.

My unpredictable fluctuating moods left me questioning my sanity. I did not know who I was anymore. But what I did know is that I RESPECTED the POWER OF HORMONES.

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and yet I wanted to burst into tears. Laughter eventually prevailed, and I found humour was slowly become one of my main coping strategies.

My research has been validated. Profound relief engulfs me and a tiny glimmer of hope reignites inside my soul.

After almost 20 years of chronic pain, unanswered questions and an unfathomable amount of pain pills… I FINALLY know the source of my pain.

I wanted to run into the woods and break something. I wanted to scream until I lost my voice. How could Dr. B give me such BAD advice?????!!!!!!!!!!!

We were living in a bad news – déjà vu – never ending loop from hell. That’s the only way I can describe it.

I looked up in astonishment. “What are you talking about?” I asked. He went pale. “Nobody told you?” he whispered. “Told me what?” I demanded.

In that moment of shock and emotion, I staunchly decided that I wanted surgery. And if Dr.B in Australia wouldn’t do it, then I would find someone else who would!

You are synthetically inducing symptoms of early menopause. Now does that sound like fun to you? In any single way?????????

It feels as though my body is rejecting these pills and yet I power through. I NEED to know that I’ve given it a real shot…