My unpredictable fluctuating moods left me questioning my sanity. I did not know who I was anymore. But what I did know is that I RESPECTED the POWER OF HORMONES.

I still remember the profound exasperation I felt one morning, when I woke up and in a fit of disgust wailed, “I cannot possibly have one……more……green…….smoothie!”

I wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, and yet I wanted to burst into tears. Laughter eventually prevailed, and I found humour was slowly become one of my main coping strategies.

“Anyway, I know my life isn’t really that bad,” I stated with a swelling ego, “I know a lot of people that have it so much worse than me.

My research has been validated. Profound relief engulfs me and a tiny glimmer of hope reignites inside my soul.

After almost 20 years of chronic pain, unanswered questions and an unfathomable amount of pain pills… I FINALLY know the source of my pain.

I wanted to run into the woods and break something. I wanted to scream until I lost my voice. How could Dr. B give me such BAD advice?????!!!!!!!!!!!

He laughed and winked at me as he said “Oh, I bet you love to shag you dirty little thing you….” I was frozen to my chair in shock and disgust. I had never felt so disrespected in a doctor’s office.

We were living in a bad news – déjà vu – never ending loop from hell. That’s the only way I can describe it.

I looked up in astonishment. “What are you talking about?” I asked. He went pale. “Nobody told you?” he whispered. “Told me what?” I demanded.

In that moment of shock and emotion, I staunchly decided that I wanted surgery. And if Dr.B in Australia wouldn’t do it, then I would find someone else who would!

You are synthetically inducing symptoms of early menopause. Now does that sound like fun to you? In any single way?????????

It feels as though my body is rejecting these pills and yet I power through. I NEED to know that I’ve given it a real shot…

What are we trying to prove? Why do we think we are weak? Why can’t we go through each phase with gentle acceptance and respond positively to our body’s needs?

It was time to discuss fertility treatments. I sat on the pale purple bench and pressed my sweaty palms together. The options were overwhelming.

I thought I was young and healthy and ready to start a family….until I came off the birth control. Then all hell broke loose.

I stared longingly at the raw food bars that I normally stash in the top pocket of my flight suit. “How can these possibly be bad for you?!!” I fretted.

Subtle vibrations began reverberating through the needles into my abdomen. I took a deep breath. This was….weird….but kind of interesting at the same time.

My breath was tight. “Really? You think I need to go through EVERYTHING? Just cuz I’m the woman?” I hissed.

I googled for hours, in fact I googled for days. My strained eyes burned in protest, but I dismissed their complaints as I read “just one more”. It became an obsession.